How to Travel Cattle Class in Comfort

Miscellaneous - Editor - 19 February 2007

How to Travel Cattle Class in Comfort

The term ‘economy’ is at least true when it is a matter of relative price, but the euphemism ‘coach’ is positively misleading. You are fortunate if you have never had occasion to travel in the rear section of a commercial jet, especially if a long journey over oceans and across continents was involved. I wish animal activists would extend their concerns and pressures to humans, because I have seen thoroughbreds of the wealthy travel between race tracks in greater comfort than my ruthless employers have me do every month in search of my bread!

Never believe stories about the responsibilities of office outweighing privileges, for I covet the elusive employment contract which will entitle me one day to international travel by business class. The flat-bed advertisements hit me with the secret longing that every school boy has for Playboy, and I cringe with pain at the very thought of another journey to headquarters in the cheap section of an aircraft. Could we have the age of steam ships and rail roads once again please, for anything must be better than economy or coach class in air travel!

Mind you, experience in airline adventures make traveling sales people such as me akin to hardened criminals behind bars. We gun for aisle seats by instinct, for we have painful sphincter memories of holding on for ever by a window, or worse, in the middle, for a neighbor to give way to rush to the apologies for wash rooms on these so-called wide-bodied flying monsters! I can always tell a superior specimen than myself of cattle-class air travel, because they know the row numbers with max. leg space for each aircraft type!

Cabin crew demographics are definite pluses of economy class travel though. They put the old birds up front so that the snooty business types, and snootier of the first class variety have no chances to complain about service, while the untamed (fortunately) and shapely (regardless of personal preferences) are left to tend to us second-class citizens of the air! Not all airlines are the same though: give me a privately owned one from the Orient any day!

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